“Part of the challenge of getting to the bottom of it for me,” he said, “is that I viewed it as so frivolous that it didn’t spark a lot of, like, ‘O.K., I started doing it on this day’ or ‘O.K., now I’m crossing a Rubicon.’ For a thoughtful person, it’s remarkable how little thought I really gave to it until it was too late. But I think a lot of it came down to: I was in a world and a profession that had me wanting people’s approval. By definition, when you are a politician, you want people to like you, you want people to respond to what you’re doing, you want to learn what they want to hear so you can say it to them. Twitter and Facebook allowed for me — not only could I go to a town-hall meeting or a senior center or in front of the TV camera, but now I could sit and hear what people were saying all around. Search your name on Google, begat read comments on your Facebook page, begat looking at what people are saying about you on Twitter, to then trying to engage them. ‘Oh, you should like me!’ ‘No, that’s wrong!’ or ‘Thank you very much!’ And it just started to blur into this desire to engage in it all the time. Someone stops me in the airport and says, ‘Wow, you’re amazing.’ Well, O.K., now, at 2 o’clock in the morning, I can come home from playing hockey and I can find someone saying, ‘Oh, that was great’ or ‘You’re an idiot.’ So somewhere in there it got to a place where I was trying to engage people in nothing about being a politician. Or sometimes it would start out about politics and then, ‘You’re a great guy.’ ‘Oh, thanks, you’re great, too.’ ‘I think you’re handsome.’ ‘Oh, that’s great.’ And there just wasn’t much of me who was smart enough, sensitive enough, in touch with my own things, understanding enough about the disrespect and how dishonorable it was to be doing that. It didn’t seem to occupy a real space in my feelings. I think it would be pretty surprising to a lot of people: What was he thinking?” He scrunched up his face and shoulders. “I wasn’t really thinking. What does this mean that I’m doing this? Is this risky behavior? Is this smart behavior? To me, it was just another way to feed this notion that I want to be liked and admired.”
Then he went back to the idea that Twitter and its ilk provided such easy access to the feedback loop. “You know, like spin the wheel! Find someone to say something to you! And if it wasn’t 2011 and it didn’t exist, it’s not like I would have gone out cruising bars or something like that. It was just something that technology made possible and it became possible for me to do stupid things. I mean, the thing I did, and the damage that I did, not only hadn’t it been done before, but it wasn’t possible to do it before.”
also known as, “i’m so sorry, my blood sugar was just really low.”
From the article Here’s the New York Post with the Most Sexist Headline of the Year on the New York Post’s cover of Hillary Clinton (with a scared-looking Bill in the corner) testifying during the congressional hearing over the embassy attack in Benghazi. (via lcucinotta)
sigh. i find this quote particularly apropos today - disregarding the fact that this rundown of credentials is not in any way accurate vis-a-vis me, but noting, in particular, the point behind the rundown. i find myself being super defensive at work. i noticed that i try, at nearly every turn, to affirm my intelligence and the fact that i belong where i am. as a woman, and particularly as a black woman, i’m always super aware of how it is i’m being perceived by my peers and supervisors. it sucks to think that one small detour from the script - a demonstration of anger or frustration - could undo all that tedious, daily work.
This was never a prompt, but I’ve done this the past two years in a row and have always enjoyed looking back on what I wrote and thinking about what the year was ultimately like and comparing the two. So here goes…
One Word. Encapsulate the year 2012 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2013 for you?
Independence. I think I finally learned about being alone with myself, and not letting the fact that I’m alone prevent me from doing things (see, going to Germany to learn German for my Bar trip). I learned to look inward for validation, I’ve found sources of strength and capacity within myself that I never knew existed, and, I think, become a better person for it.
I would like for 2013 to be all about “Love.” I want to take what I’ve learned about myself, and share this best version of myself with my friends and family and bring more positive, loving energy to myself and my surroundings. I feel like this is all just the beginning. I don’t know what the fuck my early 20s were. But I’m grateful to have made it through ‘em. 29’s been pretty stellar.
fall madly and deeply in love with someone who is madly and deeply in love with me
make new friends; keep the old
solidify my lady crew
furnish my apartment the way that i like, and have always dreamed
deepen my yoga practice
run my first 10k
(finally!) finish quilt #2
make solid plans for pursuing that creative side endeavor i’ve been thinking a lot about recently
visit a place i’ve neer been before
go on a tropical beach vacation, even if only for a weekend
continue to take care of myself
continue to learn to accept myself for who i am (and give up on trying to be the things that i am not)
not compromise myself or my integrity for anything, especially short-term gains
radiate contentment, fulfillment, and happiness, thereby drawing them all to me in amounts heretofore unbelieved
20. Stuff and Things: What products have you discovered this year that you love? Tell us all about them, and why you love them. Become the celebrity spokesperson of whatever it is you like!
I haven’t necessarily discovered these products in 2012, but these are my Top 5 products of the year:
EO organic deodorant
This stuff is the. BEST! Can’t get enough of it - I don’t smell and, more importantly, I don’t have that white residue from roll-ons in my pits. Win win. Plus it smells good - I get lavender. Win win WIN.
Carmex lip balm
When I am at home, I am never 5 feet away from a stick of these. Not having one around is my kryptonite.
Fage (Full Fat) Total Yogurt
I personally think that low-fat yogurt is a waste of yogurt. This stuff is so thick your spoon can stand straight up in it. And it’s delicious and rich and puts protein on your bones. Oh! And helps improve lactose tolerance.
Benefit They’re Real Mascara
Just a great mascara. No muss, no fuss. It works.